Responsive versus Reactive Parenting - Part I

What are Responsive versus Reactive Parenting styles?

Responsive Parenting looks to bring a sense of uniqueness to parenting where a parent takes the time to deal with each situation individually rather than through generalizing. The Harvard Family Research Project defines responsive parenting as “the use of warm and accepting behaviours to respond to children’s needs and signals” (Landry et al, 2012).

Reactive Parenting is a response which is purely in reaction to your children’s behaviour. It usually occurs when the parent has lost patience with the situation and tries to control the child with harsh words (shouting, demanding compliance etc) or physical behaviours (grabbing by the arms, hitting, corporal punishment etc)

Let's say that you have two children:

Child A is shy and sensitive

Child B is more outgoing and straightforward.

REACTIVE PARENTING Scenario: You have just come home from work, are tired and ready to sit down when both children start to argue loudly. They come to you crying and screaming at one another. What will you do? Mindfulness for Mindful Parenting 9 Reactive Parenting You are tired and want to rest. As your children come in yelling and screaming, your initial reaction is to shout at them to stop:

● Your thinking is that they should be more understanding of your tiredness.

● You have been gone for the whole day and this is the first time they are seeing you after a long day.

● This is how they are trying to get your attention.

Consequence: Without realizing that both children need to be disciplined in a manner which suits their individual needs, reactive parenting generalized the situation. Being too harsh will crush the confidence of your shy child (Child A), while your harshness without reasoning will cause your more outgoing child (Child B) to become resentful and rebellious.

What if we broke down the situation into Pros and Cons?

Pros and Cons of the Situation

Pro:

1. The issue has been resolved quickly Both you and your children are more upset Your

Con

1. Both yourself and your children are more upset

2. Your children may view you with anger, resentment or fear

3. They may not have learned why they should not behave in this manner because their focus is now on your yelling.

What are your thoughts? Responsive Parenting to follow!

Reference:

Landry, S. H., Smith, K. E., Swank, P. R., Zucker, T., Crawford, A. D., and Solari, E. F. (2012, March 15). The effects of a responsive parenting intervention on parent–child interactions during shared book reading. Developmental Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0026400. Retrieved from http://www.hfrp.org/family-involvement/publications-resources/the-effects-of-a-responsive-parent ing-intervention-on-parent-child-interactions-during-shared-book-reading

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