Developing Self Compassion as a Parent

Parenting is a tough job. Taking care of a tiny human being who is completely dependent on you 24 hours a day, seven days a week is not easy. With older children, juggling a full time job as well as trying to work around family schedules as well as children’s needs can easily lead to burn-out. In addition to the physical toll parenting can have, it can be mentally taxing as well. There are also moments when you may question the thoughts you have towards your children; some thoughts may make you feel guilty or angry with yourself for ever thinking such thoughts. It is important to remember that this is all normal, and sometimes parents just need to have a little more self-compassion. A core aspect of self-compassion is mindfulness. Being aware of what is going on in our own mind and body. Embracing every thought and feeling without judgement. Through the practice of self-compassion, you are able to gain a sense of understanding of both yourself and your situation. Furthermore, extending that understanding towards your child/children’s unique situations. Many people have the idea that children get tough when you show them “tough love.” This is where parents adopt a “​Don’t come crying to me, figure it out yourself​” attitude. Although this may work for some children, it may not for others. Children on either end of the spectrum may be living in the same family, thus parenting will never adhere to cookie-cutter solutions. The aim of mindfulness is to give you the freedom and space to think outside of the box and come up with a solution which works as a teachable moment for your child. The door to your heart should always be open as a parent. Knowing that you are there for them no matter what, is truly what strengthens a child. Not tough love. Mindfulness brings an anchor for parents. It helps ground them to the situation in order to make a wise and tailored reaction to their child and their child’s needs. Taking the time to practice self-compassion is an important part of self-care as a parent. Without ensuring that you are in good health, it can be difficult to provide the same for your children. So, how do we practice self-compassion? 1. Being kind to yourself 2. Avoiding comparison with others Being Kind to Yourself Many people would agree that we are our own worst critic. If we fail to perform to our usual standard or we see someone who is performing at a standard to which you aspire to, we can become exceptionally critical of ourselves. If we don’t condone this type of thinking in others, then why are we doing it to ourselves? Thoughts such as “The house is never tidy enough,” or “the children are never on time” can become quite common. Taking a moment to turn a negative mind moment such as “The house is never tidy enough” into a positive will not only brighten your mood – it will also allow you to reassess your perspective on the situation. Rather than the house is a complete mess, you may change your perspective by seeing that the important aspect of your house, is that it is a home to happy and healthy children. Move your focus to a clean part of your home and start from there. Give your children small cleaning tasks and make the act of cleaning into a mindful family activity. Try singing a clean-up song to make it more fun and make light of the task. Some fun examples of clean up songs: 1.Clean Up Song for Children - Kindergarten and Preschool Song by ELF Learning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY-H2WGThc8 2.Clean Up Song | Tidy Up Song | The Singing Walrus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPq7wzGEjqE Avoid Comparison Constant criticism of yourself in comparison to others is both unhelpful and unhealthy. Our thought patterns directly affect our mood, our internal health and inadvertently affect the external environment around us. These thought patterns can eventually become a habitual way of thinking for you if you do not take the time to change. Being mindful allows you to catch yourself in this thought process. Once you have become aware of your ​self-criticism​ or ​criticism of others​, you now have the opportunity to change your perspective and seek out a more positive mindset. Example of a Scenario Your neighbour has taken her family on a holiday out of the country. Without Mindfulness You may start to compare your situation with theirs and feel bad that you could not do the same for your children. This creates unhappiness and pressure on yourself resulting in self-pity and poor mood. Eventually this leads you to overreact at the smallest provocation from your child/children. With Mindfulness Being mindful will allow you to stop and take a moment to reassess your situation, and more importantly recognize your own comparing mind. Take a stock of your own family situation. What are the good things that you have together? Focus on these positives in your life rather than thinking about what you don’t have. Try taking a family walk together or go for a short trip that’s close to home (See article "Let's Go for a Walk"). This change in attitude will also help to highlight aspects of your life which you had no idea existed. Positive things which you forgot about or failed to recognize as positive. #mindfulparenting #mindfulness #mindful #sati