Mental Health Week Day Two - Just hear me out...

Here's the POV:

It's raining hard, you had to work late and as you make your way home your car breaks down. After spending ages (and dollars) at the mechanic you get through the door and your friend calls. After asking how you are, you explain the situation and maybe vent just a little bit about how stressful your job is and that you wish you could quit. You sigh. Your friend is silent.

You think how nice it was to get things off your chest, share your woes and maybe even be heard. That is until you hear,

"Wow, that sucks. Maybe you should have taken the bus. It's better for you anyway."

That was surprising, but they continue and say: "Besides, I told you not to accept that job anyway. It's so far away, you never liked that company and I don't understand why you don't just buck up and leave. It's not that hard."

Well, that's a shock to the system and not exactly what you needed to be hearing at this moment in time. You feel hurt, misunderstood, and completely judged. Are you regretting that you shared your feelings? Maybe. All you wanted was a little empathy. A little understanding.

We've all been in similar situations or definitely heard about them. Communication and empathy are two very powerful things and when combined can do wonders (both good and bad). To help debunk some misconceptions, here are some facts that you may want to consider:

1. If you don't know what to say, that's ok

When we listen our goal is to understand. We aren't thinking about solutioning, about what we should say or what the "right" reaction is. As you listen, empathy is putting yourself in the other person's shoes and trying your best to understand how they may have felt, help them know that you are there for them as their friend, there's no judgment and there's no other priority but them in that very moment. In a world driven by problem-solving, we should try and remember the power of present moment presence. Being there with your present moment energy, no judgment and all love.

2. Sharing the "harsh reality" may not be as helpful as we thought

The truth is always preferable. As young children we are always taught to tell the truth however we never really learned about timing. When you share the truth or what we may deem reality is equally, if not more important and here are a few reasons why:

• Your friend/family member just went through a very tough situation and they may not be ready to hear the truth or reality of the situation just yet. Your words may elicit more pain, potentially pushing the listener towards a deeper sense of sadness, fear etc.

• Your sense of the truth may not be accurate. Every person perceives situations through the lens of their own life experiences. Just because we may feel something is right or true, it may not jive with someone else's point of view.

3. Tap into your human

Empathy is all about being human. Not solutioning, not being perfect or trying to remove the pain or embarrassment. Bringing your authentic listening and your present moment presence to the current situation is healing and exactly what most of us need in times of distress. Figuring things out, fixing things or seeing the reality of a situation can and most likely will follow but we need to set a foundation and make the sure the person is settled first.

#mentalhealthweek #satuppada #empathy