Responsive versus Reactive Parenting - Part 2

Recap from Responsive versus Reactive Parenting - Part 1: Reactive Parenting is a response which is purely in reaction to your children’s behaviour. It usually occurs when the parent has lost patience with the situation and tries to control the child with harsh words (shouting, demanding compliance etc) or physical behaviours (grabbing by the arms, hitting, corporal punishment etc)

Responsive Parenting looks to bring a sense of uniqueness to parenting where a parent takes the time to deal with each situation individually rather than through generalizing. The Harvard Family Research Project defines responsive parenting as “the use of warm and accepting behaviours to respond to children’s needs and signals” (Landry et al, 2012). Scenario: You have just come home from work, are tired and ready to sit down when both children start to argue loudly. They come to you crying and screaming at one another. What will you do?

Responsive Parenting You are tired and want to rest, but you take a breath mindfully. Initially, your focus has to be on yourself – your mood, your tiredness, your attitude et cetera. ● Remember the way in which you respond to this issue will continue to shape your relationship with your children as well as shape how your children learn to respond to similar issues in their own lives. ● Being mindful will help you tailor your response to the individual personalities of each child. ● In addition, you will also be able to maintain a neutral (non-judgmental) stance when trying to solve the issue. ● Suggest that everyone (including yourself) sit down in a circle and take a deep breath. After a few moments of deep breathing, give some time for each child to explain their side of the story. Make sure that when one child is speaking, the other does not speak over them (this teaches them both patience and respect for another person’s opinion) **ensure that you remain neutral** ○ Once finished, deal with the situation in a calm and loving yet firm manner. Don’t allow anger or tiredness to lead your decision making process. **This is a good opportunity for you (the parent) to assess your own level of mindfulness or lack of mindfulness** ○ With young children, try using the “Toy on the Tummy” exercise Pros and Cons of the Situation Pro 1. Everyone is calm 2. Your children will have a better understanding of what they did and why it was not appropriate 3. You are respecting each child’s individuality but correcting them in a structured and grounded manner Con 1. The process takes more time

What are your thoughts? Reference: Landry, S. H., Smith, K. E., Swank, P. R., Zucker, T., Crawford, A. D., and Solari, E. F. (2012, March 15). The effects of a responsive parenting intervention on parent–child interactions during shared book reading. Developmental Psychology. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0026400. Retrieved from http://www.hfrp.org/family-involvement/publications-resources/the-effects-of-a-responsive-parent ing-intervention-on-parent-child-interactions-during-shared-book-reading #mindfulness #satuppada #mindfulparenting #reactive #responsive